Gideonese, Lesson 2 (Phrases & Sentences)

And now, for Lesson 2 in Gideonese, phrases and sentences. These are sure to impress your friends and cause gross mental confusion.

Most Agobiness
Translation-"Almost Godliness", from a line in Ratatouille.
No way, Hose B
Translation-"No way, Jose" (that one makes me giggle)
They'll all be crying in their sockies!
Translation-"They'll be crying in their sake", from a line in M*A*S*H.
Expect your others!
Translation-"Respect your elders."

I thought I should make a record of these things, because Gideon is beginning to assimilate into complete American English. I must say I'm a bit saddened by this. I can only hope that Gideonese doesn't suffer the same fate as Latin, Aramaic & the U.S. Constitution. But I digress....

In other kid news:
During history last week, I noticed Hannah flattening a piece of paper to the mattress. (Yes, we were having history in bed, under the warm blankets.) When I inquired, she showed me the paper. It was a dry cleaner's tag that read "Hand Press Only". History was temporarily suspended while the teacher regained composure.
I must tell you that Hannah gave me permission to share that little episode.

Kid Quotes 5

Scene: Hannah is reading ingredients for maple syrup from a cookbook.

Mom-"Wouldn't it be easier to go buy syrup?"

Hannah-"You have to learn to make things on your own. That way you don't have to depend on the economy."

Mom-"Did you hear that from us or TV?"

Hannah-"News. They show a lot of crazy things while you're waiting for the weather."



Scene: Gabriel is getting ready for basketball practice.

Mom-"Are you excited about basketball?"

Gabriel-"Duh. I got mad skills."



Scene: Samuel is in Dad's lap, inspecting him for some kind of imaginary job.

Samuel-"No dirt, moustache, not too much bald spot, unibrow. You're hired. I like you kind of people."



Scene: Family in the living room, watching TV. All is quiet.

Gideon-(shouting) "Can't you make those Christmas lights stop flashing?!? They're driving me nuts!"

Kid Quotes 4

Hannah-"I can't remember all these stinkin' Caesars. I'm just gonna call them the Salad Family."

(Mom walks into the room to tuck Samuel into bed. The blankets are arranged into a rounded structure with walls.)
Mom-"What is that, a nest?"
Samuel-"No, it's my fortress."
Mom-"Oh, ok. Do you really need a fortress for sleeping?"
Samuel-"It's my fortress of solitude."

(With Christmas approaching, Gabriel is trying to learn to wrap his own gifts. Wrapping them is not a problem. Making the packages look like the ones on TV is a constant source of frustration.)
Gabriel-"I can't get this right! The stupid tape keeps getting messed up!"
Mom-"Keep trying. Here-I'll fix the tape for you."
Gabriel-(sigh) "Can't you wrap a Christmas present without all this chaos?"

Dad-"Is forklift one word or two?"
Mom-"One."
Gideon-"Where did it go?"
Mom-"Where did what go?"
Gideon-"His fork. When it left, where did it go?"

12/8/77-10/26/05

Strange how living with a volcano can force you to walk on eggshells.
I wish so many things now, but most of all, I wish I had understood in time. In reality, I gained my understanding too late-in a letter.
What we really needed, I think, was the bomb squad. There was so much inside-so much pain and anger-with no pressure valve. I know that scared you. It scared me too. What would have happened if you had opened up? Could it be contained? Would it be worth the risk of injury?
Such a fragile situation. Sometimes it seems better to keep the cap on it in the effort to keep everything contained. Stay calm and detached. Self medicate until you can't feel anymore, and most of all, don't let anything push you too far.
Unfortunately, the volcano can't stand the pressure forever. Even when the volcano implodes on itself, there is collateral damage.
I am so sorry, baby brother, that I understood too late. I'm sorry I couldn't make the pain go away. I would've taken it for you if I could. I'm sorry that all the things I knew to do weren't what you needed. Most of all, I'm sorry you're not here.
I love you, and I will miss you forever.

12/8/77-10/26/05

I'm Not Who I Was by Brandon Heath

I wish you could see me now
I wish I could show you how
I'm not who I was
I used to be mad at you
A little on the hurt side too
But I'm not who I was

I found my way around
To forgiving you
Some time ago
But I never got to tell you so

I found us in a photograph
I saw me and I had to laugh
You know, I'm not who I was
You were there, you were right above me
And I wonder if you ever loved me
Just for who I was

When the pain came back again
Like a bitter friend
It was all that I could do
To keep myself from blaming you

I reckon it's a funny thing
I figured out I can sing
Now I'm not who I was
I write about love and such
Maybe 'cause I want it so much
I'm not who I was

I was thinking maybe I
I should let you know
I am not the same
But I never did forget your name
Hello

Well the thing I find most amazing
In amazing grace
Is the chance to give it out
Maybe that's what love is all about

I wish you could see me now
I wish I could show you how
I'm not who I was

Meineke and the Cheese Brain

Since I don't play video games, the boys really like for me to watch them play. This is a great source of entertainment around here. Such was the case this evening. The littles had gone to bed, Hannah was on the computer, and Samuel wanted me to watch him play Star Wars.
He was showing me all the different characters, especially the creepy robot one that I don't really like.
Sam-"Watch how he runs. He's fast. Thunk, thunk, thunk."
Mom-"He has a hard time stopping, doesn't he? He keeps running into things."
Sam-"Yeah, he really needs Meineke."

Gideon has a cheese brain. He has explained this to me in great detail. He has a God brain, and that's the one that tells him to do good things. And then there's the cheese brain. The cheese brain is the part that tries to get him to do bad things. The devil has something to do with this cheesy process, apparently.
So when he does something wrong, he will invariably smack himself in the forehead & say, "There goes my cheese brain again!"

GET OFF THE TRACK! THE TRAIN IS COMING!

What would you do if someone were standing on the train track, and a train was coming? Yeah, me too. But what if the person refused to move? What if they were determined to stand there on the tracks, the train bearing down on them? Maybe you would grab them and try to move them physically. But you can't. You can only stand and watch in horror as the inevitable happens.
Such is the way of addiction.
Once addiction has taken hold of a person, there is a lot of waiting and watching. It is excruciating. You can counsel, urge, cajole, threaten, give ultimatums and offer all manner of rewards. You can even physically force a person into rehab facilities. But ultimately, you have no control. The person in the grip of the addiction must choose if their life is worth saving.
Once you have surrendered control, you often wonder what it will take for the person to make a decision. When will it happen? What will that situation be like? Will they be thinking clearly at that moment, or will they even survive?
While you are waiting for this moment of truth, what do you do? Do you pretend that everything is fine, so that they feel loved? Do you try to make them as uncomfortable as possible until they choose treatment? Do you ignore them completely because it is easier?
I do not have the answers to these questions. One thing I know: only treatment or death awaits the addict. There are no other choices.
Of Satan's many snares, this is the one that baffles me most. Even when it doesn't live in your house, addiction has long arms that can hurt those who are far away.